Top ten crap dinners to make your kids

All the women’s magazines say I should sit down every Sunday and plan a weekly menu. That’s the best way to have a meal planned for every weekday dinner and be assured that I have all the necessary ingredients on hand. I would save time; no more running out to the store for the third time to buy one spice.

No more staring into the pantry at 6 p.m. Tuesday with starving children clawing at my pants and realizing there was nothing to make (nothing they’d eat, anyway). I would save money as well, which is important these days. Anyone else notice that milk has gone up an entire dollar?

I can stand behind this idea. I support it full bore. It makes perfect sense to me. But it’s never going to happen. I am simply too disorganized to sit down on a Sunday and write out a weekly menu. Such a task would cut too deeply into the time I spend staring into the middle distance, or checking my email, or painting my porch the wrong color. It smacks too much of June Cleaver. I can’t bring myself to do it, even though I support it in theory.

It’s in this spirit of resignation that I offer you my Top Ten Crap Dinners to Make Your Kids.

These aren’t really crap dinners. They’re nutritious, more or less. And the kids will eat them. And what good are nutritious meals if the kids won’t eat them? Exactly.

Try these when you haven’t given dinner a single thought until your children look up at you, gaunt and hollow-eyed, and ask you what’s for dinner.

1) Scrambled eggs and buttered toast.

Throw in a green (frozen peas? Edemame beans?) and you’ve got yourself almost a meal.

2) Peanut-butter and jelly sandwiches.

Like lunch, only for dinner! Substitute turkey or tuna if one child won’t eat peanut butter. Make sure you sit down at the table and put your sandwiches on a plate. Otherwise your kids won’t count this as “dinner.” Frozen peas. Grapes.

3.) Lentil soup over rice.

In the 25 minutes it takes to make rice, your kids can enjoy a protein-packed meal of the kind the kids over in the Third World enjoy every day!

4.) Frozen pizzas.

And oranges cut in half.

5.) Mac & Cheese.

Even better when you can get the microwavable stuff. Serve with cherry tomatoes in a dish.

6.) Soup from a can and sliced baguette.

A baguette is a meal that lasts from the time you buy it (tear off a chunk in the car) until it’s finished, long after dinner, gobbled by the kids with their honey tea. Worth every cent.

7.) Corn on the cob and hot dogs.

Buns aren’t as important as condiments.

8.) Cheerios or corn flakes.

Inquire about whether they’d accept blueberries on top of their cereal. They might fall for it…Cup of tea to wash it down.

9.) Dino nuggets and rice.

Something for everyone!

10.) Carl’s Junior kiddie meal (drive thru).

For those nights when you just have to say f*** it. You can make this option feel more virtuous by refusing to buy the Coke and making them drink milk instead.

My 10-year-old daughter reminded me about this last, very excellent, very crap, option. I salute her.

Go ahead and smirk. And send me your crap dinner options while you’re at it.

Tagged as: feeding kids, nit foot, Top Ten