INT: Cheap diner. Mid-morning. All the customers are Trader Joe’s Employees.
Bad Home Cook: Morning!
BHC: Right. What have you got, then?
Waitress: Well, we’ve got eggs, kale and bacon; eggs, bacon, sausage and kale; eggs, bacon, kale, kale, sausage and kale; eggs, kale, potatoes, sausage and kale; kale, eggs and kale; kale, kale, bacon and kale; and mashed sweet potatoes with kale and bacon.
BHC: Have you got anything without kale in it?
Waitress: Well, there’s eggs, bacon and kale. That’s not got much kale in it.
BHC: I don’t want ANY kale.
Lovely Ex: Why can’t she have the sausage, kale, eggs and kale?
BHC: That’s got kale in it!
Lovely Ex: Not as much as the bacon, kale, kale, sausage and kale.
BHC: Look, could I just have the eggs, kale and bacon but without the kale?
Waitress rolls her eyes.
BHC: WHAT? I don’t like kale!
TJ’s employees (singing, and swinging mugs of beer even thought it’s 10 a.m).: Kale, Kale, Kale, Kale, Kale, KALE! wonderful KALE!
BHC: Shut up! Shut UP! Why do you have to keep getting new kale products when you know how much I HATE KALE! Why is there a kale recipe on every food blog I read right now? Like here? and here? and HERE? I can NOT be the only person who hates kale!
Lovely ex: I think you’re over-reacting. Just order something and I’ll eat the kale. I love kale.
TJ’s: KALE, KALE, KALE, KALE KALE! HOW WE LOVE KALE!
Waitress: SHUT UP! Oh, look what you’ve made them do. They’ll never go back to work now. Just order something, would you?
BHC: Fine. How about the sweet potatoes with kale and bacon. That might be good…
Young Female Trader’s Employee: Make sure to massage your kale before you eat it…
YTJ: Massage your kale. If you’re going to eat it raw. EXTRA yummy!
BHC: (horrified) WHY would I eat that stuff raw? It’s like horse flesh…
TJs: Yum, yum, yum, yum, YUM KALE! YUMMY KALE!!!
BHC: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SHUT UP!
Runs screaming from diner, but secretly plans to attempt mashed sweet potatoes with kale and bacon. Will it turn out? Stay tuned…